If you haven't already seen this...

then, I hope this makes your Friday a little bit brighter:



Oh, Brendan... I can't say I feel sorry for you; I've never really liked you that much anyhow. Plus, this tribute of sorts seems earned. Was that a shameless ploy for attention during the Golden Globes or are you really that bizarre? Anyhow, I enjoy the video - reminds me of how much I used to love that song during my Sophomore year of college. Good times.

The Misanthrope Rides Alone

One cold Sunday afternoon my good friend, Patrick, called me and said, "Hey man, do you have any plans tonight?"

Patrick, I love you, but I hate when people ask that question because it means you already have plans for me and, if I don't already have plans, I either have to:
a) admit it and pray to Lord Jesus that your plans are amazing (and usually if anyone is calling with last minute plans, they're not going to be amazing), or
b) make a quick determination that your plans will bring me nothing but trouble and and hope that I don't miss something spectacular

On this particular Sunday I was feeling Christian... I couldn't lie to Patty! Patrick is my oldest friend! What kind of a friend would I be if I just blew him off without even hearing what he had in store? So, I told the truth: I didn't have plans (beyond watching Desperate Housewives - that's a good show, I'll have you know).

Patrick happened to have three tickets to an Off-Off-Broadway play and he hoped that our friend, Meg, and I could join him. I was cautiously optimistic. I hadn't been to the theatre in awhile and occasionally these things turn out well: a diamond in the rough. The play, Patrick continued, was an "adult puppet show" - three words that don't exactly inspire confidence - and it was playing in the East Village (instant Herpes) in a theatre operated by a nonprofit troupe that one could tell, by name alone, had reached its peak in the late 1980s. Ugh. I got a stinker. I knew it! I knew I should have lied!

But, I had been inside all day - lazy guilt had overcome me. I couldn't stay in my warm and cozy apartment watching 30 Rock re-runs all day, that would be too indulgent. No, no. I had to be ripped from my cocoon of warmth and take a shower, and put in my contacts and wear real pants, with a damn button and everything, just to go to some stupid play that I knew I would hate. I began to think of excuses. I really did have clothes in need of laundering; I mean, being down to your last pair of underwear is a real excuse, no? Was I sick? Could I fake a cough? How about a migraine? Charlie-horse limp? Aww, c'mon! Was dirty laundry really the only excuse I could muster? It wouldn't be enough! So, with much chagrin, I took my damn shower. I put in my damn contacts. I buttoned my damn pants and I rode the subway, with transfers I'll have you know, to the damn East Village. I found the damn theatre, right off that damn, desolate triangle/death trap of the East Village that I hate (near that damn ugly new building) and I began to prepare myself for a damn good night of theatre-going, dammit!

But, I couldn't help but feel that my initial feelings of dread were well-founded. Firstly, the theatre was located on the 2nd floor of a building that resembled my grade school: no good comes of 2nd floor theatres. Why? Why even have them? It's not a pleasant feeling. Theatres should always be on the ground floor. Climbing stairs hurts my mind. Secondly, the signs directing one to the theatre were taped haphazardly throughout the entryway with arrows this way and that. Clearly this was not the work of a genius-perfectionist, such as myself. Amateurs. I was trying to think positive thoughts; I swear! I was! I overlooked that shim holding open the door, didn't I? I even began feeling sorry for the door when the shim began to fail and the door inadvertently locked people outside of the lobby. (Did I dare re-open the door, allowing patrons to enter the lobby? And deprive these good people of a perfectly logical and cosmic excuse to avoid seeing the adult puppetry to come?! Of course not! That shim-fail was a gift! One I would have gladly accepted.) Climbing the stairs had hurt my mind (as predicted) and my thoughts started to conspire against my good intentions. I told myself: ignore the freakfest around you, your friends will be here soon, everything will be better.

But, by the time Meg arrived, all hope had been lost. Women with purple-streaked, asymmetrical hair had entered the lobby, awkward introductions were witnessed, people even had the audacity to participate in public laughing. Who were these happy, laughing people? I couldn't take it! I had to bust out. It didn't help that Meg reminded me that this was the very theatre in which she had been subjected to "the worst 'opera' she had ever encountered," just last summer. That story had haunted me for months; little did I know that I had stepped foot in the very theatre where Meg had to escape into her bowels of her mind, assembling her mental grocery list, to avoid bearing witness to the atrocities of theatre before her. To what certain slaughter had Patrick lured us? Despite the mounting dread, I could tell Meg was going to stay, and when Pat arrived - bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, feather in hair (yes, a feather in his hair, don't ask) - I knew a group evacuation was a lost cause. So, I told the truth. I said, "Guys, I can't do this. I have to go."

Yes, I had come all the way from Queens to the East Village. Yes, I had made transfers to be here (hey, transfers are a big deal to me, OK?). Yes, I knew we'd be suffering together, if we were to be suffering at all. Still, I couldn't bear it. I was a... I was a.... the word escaped me. I asked, "What's the word for someone who doesn't like to spend time with people?"

"Anti-social?"
"No."

"A recluse?"
"No!"

"A curmudgeon?"
"Eh, closer."

"A loner?"
"No."

"A loser?"
"Aww, suck it!" The point is, I can't do it.

Today, I remembered the word I was looking for: misanthrope.

When I die (and here's my bi-annual reminder to you all: you all will die and so will I, you're welcome), I want my organs harvested, then my body donated to science, then cremated and scattered away all over (it's very important that it happens in that order). Instead of a tombstone, you can have something functional created in my memory, say a park bench. On said park bench, I want the following written: In memory of Dan Riley: Son, Brother, Friend, Misanthrope and General Asshole.

Note: this list may grow depending on my achievements: I could foresee a circumstance where you might need to add the word Father, for example, as I will have had a child. I will not actually deliver the child, of course, because that's not physically possible (yet). Then again, if I were to actually deliver the child, that is, carry it in my man-womb to term and somehow deliver it through some orifice on my person (and maybe that orifice doesn't even yet exist, but will soon thanks to America's genius scientists and doctors - wrap your head around that one, America), that would be quite an accomplishment and you should acknowledge that as well somehow. Still, this list could also contract depending on my lack of achievement or, better yet, due to my superior achievements in asshole-dom, having lost the love and support of my friends and family, therefore no longer being a son, brother or friend and just a misanthrope and general asshole... scratch that, "superior" asshole.

Please don't say Squinty will be Spidey

According to the AP, Marc Webb, director of (500) Days of Summer, will be directing Sony's next Spiderman film (full article here: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/01/19/arts/AP-US-Film-Spider-Man.html?_r=1).

My only question is: Does this mean Sony is hoping they can lure Joseph Gordon-Levitt into playing Spidey by using Webb (ha ha ha ha - pun intended, m'lady!)? (500) Days of Summer was considered a (modest) hit by Hollywood and has even garnered nominations from the Golden Globes, The Writers Guild of America and the Independent Spirit Awards. It also made numerous top 10 lists (despite the fact that it was lame! c'mon, people! are we THAT desperate for a good romance!?)... so, it would make sense that Sony would want to reunite an already successful team for a re-boot of a big franchise that appears to be a little shaky after numerous re-writes and delays.

I could actually handle Zooey Deschanel as Mary Jane - she has a cuteness and sharpness that could be fun, but Gordon-Levitt as Spidey? Wasn't it bad enough that we had to suffer through three of these films with Tobey Maguire? I know Peter Parker is supposed to start out as a nerd, but at some point he should be convincing as a bad ass, right? (Then again, I didn't watch the the subsequent sequels, so I might be a poor judge. But, the first was so terrible! Why would you put yourself through more of that torture? It was so bad that when the 3rd film was playing on an airplane - fo' free - I not only couldn't bring myself to watch it, but I actually chose to watch a two-year-old episode of Project Runway on my gimpy iPod! A free movie people! I watched Hotel for Dogs fo' free! I watched High School Musical fo' free! I watched Rumor Has It fo' free! I have low standards for free movies, and I could not watch Spider Man 3 fo' free!

Anyhow, back to the subject at hand: I liked Gordon-Levitt at first; he was really interesting in Mysterious Skin - a thought-provoking, albeit weird, film by Gregg Araki. Where are you Araki? (Nevermind... just IMDB'd him; he made a bizarre-looking movie called Smiley Face which stars Anna Faris and appears to be about getting high. Enough said. I digress.) Gordon-Levitt followed that with some seriously smart choices; Brick and Stop-Loss were both very unusual films and big risks that were far from boring (if not terribly successful or commercial). I almost started to forget that he used to be on 3rd Rock from the Sun and looked like this:

But, then he did (500) Days of Summer and took a slice out of the good-faith cake I had baked for him. He followed that with G.I. Joe and, to add insult to injury, completely massacred two of my favorite pieces of American pop culture - Singin' in the Rain and Saturday Night Live - with one song and dance (I'm including the link - I can't figure out how to embed Chinese videos - but, I plead, for your own sake, don't watch!):

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTQyOTI3Mzky.html

That. was. awful. I'm truly sorry, my friends, I just had to let you know what he did. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, you taunted me throughout the Golden Globes on Sunday. Each time you laughed and squinted (like the little Asian man I know you are) and shook that little greasy head in faux wonder, you disappointed me. Wipe that smug squinty smile off yo' face! I can't take it anymore! We cannot let him take and destroy another great American icon! Will we let him continue to taunt us with his haughty laughs and squints!? We cannot let Squinty win!

Stop taunting me, Squinty!

Totally unrelated, but completely hysterical...

This has nothing to do with previous posts, but it happens to be one of the funniest clips I've ever seen. VH1, if you care about the environment so much please, use less-toxic sluts!


VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

Golden Globes: A Few Surprises...

Well, the Golden Globes have come and gone and there were a few surprises, but no big shockers. While I hoped Avatar would win Best Picture - Drama (don't judge 'til you've seen it people; it's impressive), I had convinced myself that Up in the Air still had enough buzz to prevail. Equally surprising was James Cameron's win for directing the film. I didn't think anyone wanted that blowhard near a microphone again, and we all were reminded of why as he began speaking in his secret language of the Na'vi. Oh, James, when will you learn to just smile and say "Thank you." Must you be such a dumbass and alienate (no pun intended) so many people whilst accepting their praise? The biggest shocker was in the Best Picture - Musical/Comedy! I don't think ANYONE expected The Hangover to win. Certainly, many people think it was deserving, but it's still a big surprise. Well done.

Sandra Bullock won Best Actress in a Drama for the Blind Side. I think we all agree her dress was lovely and ethereal. This picture doesn't quite do it justice, looked lighter and frothier (sp?) on TV. Then again, maybe TV did it too much justice and it actually isn't as lovely as I thought. Still, I didn't like the back as much as some... a little odd and unfinished looking. Even though I thought Sandra Bullock would win for The Blind Side, it was still surprising to actually see it happen... I'm conflicted over the win (and for that matter, the movie). I want to be happy for her, I enjoyed the movie and I enjoyed her performance, but at the same time I felt a little guilty liking it... it's got a strange aftertaste of white self-congratulation that, I think, was unintended, but there it is. She certainly has worked hard and made some good movies, but she might be right that this particular award was bought and not earned. Everyone seems to just be relieved that a big movie with a big star can still pass as a major award winner.

Meryl Streep, who won Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy, gave the speech of the night for: eloquent, thoughtful, sweet and deeply human. She really made the most of a few minutes and gave a memorable speech that swept away all the praise that's been heaped on her in exchange for a humble statement: "In my long career, I've played so many extraordinary women that basically I'm getting mistaken for one... I'm very clear about the fact that I'm a vessel for other people's stories and other women's lives." She continued by paying tribute to her mother, who inspired the role and has clearly inspired her. It was a breath of fresh air to hear someone thinking about what the award honored instead of hearing a mad scramble to appease as many agents, publicists and studio execs as possible in a few brief moments. She also looked beautiful and seemingly 20 years younger; that bright red lipstick looks great! Definitely one of the better dressed women of the night. Although, can we talk about Helen Mirren!? Dayyyyum! Serriously, that woman has an amazing bod-ay. Who says a sexagenarian can't be sexy? I have to find a picture of her. For the sake of all the older ladies with body issues, I hope Helen had on at least 1 pair of Spanx, otherwise she may be setting the bar too high.

Jeff Bridges won Best Actor in a Drama; again, job well done, but this performance wasn't his best, it seems to be just good timing for an actor long overdue for some awards hardware. Morgan Freeman, you da man! I hope you win the next round. Robert Downey Jr. won Best Actor in a Musical/Comedy... that was kind of surprising. Although, he's been riding a good-buzz wave for awhile since he cleaned up and re-branded himself. I can't say that I really cared much about that category; still haven't seen many of the nominees.

Mo'Nique and Christoph Waltz walked away with their respective Supporting Actress/Actor awards and the world gave a collective yawn (predictable). Actually, I was genuinely happy for each, even if I'd rather see Christopher Plummer win. And, Mr. Waltz, please shave that nasty grey-brown beard you've been rocking. You are such a handsome man when you're clean-shaven and I want the whole world to know by Oscar night. Mo'Nique looked gorgeous (dang, girl! you have nice skin! That neckline was really elegant, even with the little back fat you had going on) but - and this is directed to the dummy, Drew Barrymore - her speech was not THAT eloquent. It felt more like a plug for her husband. How long until she asks to roll out a preview of his next project in lieu of an acceptance speech? Seriously Drew, what crack have you been smoking!? That speech was rambling and incoherent and set to hyper speed. Last year she showed up with that crazy-train, booze-fest hair and this year she had some sort of light-stick contraption on her dress! What the hell, lady? By the way, that win was shocking! I don't think anyone predicted a Drew-win since her co-star, Jessica Lange, and fellow nominee Sigourney Weaver have been cleaning up all the awards in that category the rest of the year.

Still, a good show indeed, thanks to Mr. Gervais! Job well done. That Mel Gibson joke was priceless! Wow! Ball-sy! More comments to follow in the days to come. In the meantime, enjoy this clip:

The Golden Globes are tomorrow!

How exciting! The first big award show of the year - the Golden Globes - is tomorrow and I'm psyched to see how things shake out. So far, the critic societies' picks have been a little boring; seems like the same people have been winning again and again (Clooney/Daniels, Streep, Christoph Waltz and Mo'Nique). Also, I've been sort of disappointed by some of the nominees that keep popping up. I mean, I love Carey Mulligan; she was remarkable on B'way in The Seagull last fall, but An Education was a disappointment to me. She's certainly beautiful - the comparisons to the likes of Audrey Hepburn could prove to be apt - but, her performance was pretty conventional to me and that movie was not as interesting as I hoped.

Meanwhile, Colin Firth and Sandra Bullock seem to be getting nominations just for choosing (and not sucking in) relatively challenging roles. Everyone was pleasantly surprised to find that both of them were willing to appear in anything beyond a rom-com; but, both of their roles and the respective movies in which they were featured were typical Oscar bait. It just seems so stale. Still, I get it; I think they were pretty good, just not excellent. And while I am a sucker for a good ol' fashioned tear-jerker ala The Blind Side, especially when the characters and the actors playing them are so relatable, I always hope that the people raking in awards have done something above and beyond.

Which brings me back to the Golden Globes; while the Globes often tend to fall for those end of the year stinkers that, on paper, appear to be award-worthy (what up, Nine?), they also have given credit to some great performances and interesting movies that often fall to the wayside by the time the Oscar nominees are announced (Nicole Kidman in Birth, Rebecca Hall in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Jeff Daniels in the Squid and the Whale). They also have a tendency to deliver surprise wins that make everyone a little scared/nervous/excited (Sally Hawkins in Happy-Go-Lucky, Kate Winslet in Revolutionary Road, Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler).

So.... tomorrow everyone has their money on Bullock/Mulligan, Bridges/Clooney for dramas, and Streep and Day-Lewis for comedy/musicals, but I'm hoping for some exciting surprises (even though some of the aforementioned may be deserving). Below are my predictions and alternate fantasy picks (for lack of a better term) for the major film categories:

Best Picture - Drama
Expected to Win: Up in the Air
Should Win: Avatar

Most think Up in the Air has the best shot, but I was disappointed by the film in the end; maybe it was over hyped? Like Reitman's previous films, it just felt so smug and self-congratulatory. It didn't help that Clooney and co. seem equally pleased with their mugging. Anyhow, as trite and silly as it may seem, Avatar was a pretty amazing film. As I watched it, I couldn't stop thinking that it was unlike anything I had ever seen before and for its achievement in sheer awesomeness (and I don't mean skater boy "awesome," I mean Grand Canyon AWESOME - full of awe and disbelief for its magnitude and ambition), I think it should win.

Best Picture - Comedy
Expected to Win: (500) Days of Summer
Should Win: Julie & Julia?

To be honest, I don't think any of these movies were THAT great. I don't expect any of them to make it to the Oscar's final 10 list. So, I'm just going to use this space to say that I think that they should be marketing The Last Station as a comedy and not a drama and that it should win this award! Honestly, it's hysterical! Despite the fact that it's essentially about Tolstoy's last year of life (a phrase seemingly full of pretension that could inspire an eye-roll among the most snobbish), it was a delight! Pure fun and frolic and at the same time, fascinating and full of conflict. I really, really loved the film.

Best Actress - Drama
Expected to Win: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) or Carey Mulligan (An Education)
Should Win: Helen Mirren (The Last Station)

Gabourey Sidibe is a bit of a dark horse here as well, favored to win, but somewhat unlikely since Bullock and Mulligan have swept so many awards thus far. While I'd be happy if Sidibe were a surprise winner (her performance did move me, even if the movie left much to be desired), I really wish Mirren would prevail. I've never been much of a Mirren fan... I've admired her personality and respected the wins she had for The Queen (although, that movie blew), but I didn't love her until I saw her in The Last Station. She. Was. Incredible. She navigates comedy, drama, farce, melodrama and romance with such ease, grace and tenacity that it is a sight to behold. I hope Helen is the shocker here and sweeps the rest of the awards season.

Best Actor - Drama
Expected to Win: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart) or George Clooney (Up in the Air)
Should Win: Morgan Freeman (Invictus)

Let me start by saying I love Jeff Bridges and I think his performance is award-worthy. I liked Crazy Heart; I admired his performance; I really enjoyed his musicality; but, I wasn't blown away by him the same way I was when I saw him in The Contender or The Door in the Floor or even in The Big Lebowski. Clooney, meanwhile, is always a joy to see: so handsome and charming! Maybe those natural gifts are an obstacle to overcome, but perhaps they're the reason everyone is swooning as well. The true genius this year was Morgan Freeman in Invictus. As Nelson Mandela, Freeman gave a gorgeous performance that was so modest, humble and beautiful that he's almost forgettable. Still, it's hard for me to forget the chills that I had and the little tears that formed in my eyes (I'm man enough to admit when I cry!) as he walked onto the Rugby field as Mandela and shook the hands of both his country's team and their opposition, truly embodying Mandela's peace and confidence in the face of racism and violent threats.

Best Actress - Comedy
Will Win: Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)
Should Win: Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)?

I don't know; again, I'm not really overwhelmed with joy for the group of nominees here... I'm not trying to belabor the point, but I do wish Helen Mirren were nominated here for The Last Station as her performance (and the film itself) was quite delightful and comical. Still, I have love for both of Streep's performances and would say that her work in Julie & Julia was quite lovely. If she wins, I'll be glad. I know it's said time and time again, but Streep is definitely gifted and too many of her truly great performances (A Cry in the Dark, The Hours, Adaptation, Post Cards from the Edge, Out of Africa... this could go on for some time) have been nominated or praised without ever garnering actual hardware.

Best Actor - Comedy
Will Win: Daniel Day-Lewis (Nine)
Should Win: uh... Matt Damon (The Informant!)???

I'm not as confident commenting on this group since this is pretty much the only category where I haven't seen the majority of the nominated performances. I heard Nine was awful and Day-Lewis didn't exactly earn the most lovely reviews, so I'm perplexed that so many commentators think he'll be the victor tomorrow. Still, it's hard for me to say that anyone else is more deserving here... I heard Stuhlbarg was good in A Serious Man. However, he was so terrible in another movie I saw this year, Afterschool (awful - don't see it), that I'm inclined to deny him the favor. Downey Jr. was pretty much his usual self in Sherlock, Gordon-Levitt lost all my support after hosting SNL (plus, (500) Days of Summer sucked!), so I'm going to say Matt Damon should win just because I admire him for a) being such a nice guy - (or so it seems), b) being fearless enough to look like a fool in the role and c) managing to look like a stud in Invictus despite how much weight he had to gain for The Informant! In a perfect world, Inglourious Basterds and The Last Station would be considered comedies and James McAvoy and Brad Pitt would be going head to head here... my vote would go to McAvoy.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Will Win: Mo'Nique (Precious)
Should Win: Mo'Nique (Precious)

Screw all those other bitches! Mo'Nique was incredible! Who knew the lady who hosted It's Showtime at the Apollo could do that!? I genuinely hope she wins. In a perfect world, however, Juliette Binoche (Summer Hours) and Samantha Morton (The Messenger) would be nominated here too.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Will Win: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Should Win: Christopher Plummer (The Last Station)

Waltz was great - total treat to watch in Basterds - but, I'd prefer to see Plummer take it home. Can you believe that the man who played Captain Von Trapp has never even been nominated for an Oscar?! Somehow, this is only his 2nd Globe nomination as well... and his first for a film! It's crazy. Plummer was amazing in The Last Station; a beautiful and subtle performance that demonstrates how talented he is. He is underrated and overdue for a Globe.

Been awhile... maybe I should write more.

My sister started this blog for me ages ago and I just remembered that it existed in the first place. Perhaps I should come back and try to be more disciplined about writing...

Recently, friends and family have expressed a particular interest in hearing more about movies I've seen. My nana (who, like me, loves movies) has been trying to convince me to start a newsletter, so maybe this is a good way to get started. It just so happens that we're in the midst of my favorite part of the year for films (well, maybe the fall is slightly better since by now I've seen most of the major awards contenders), so I figured I could write little reviews, thoughts, share favorite articles and comment on the awards season in general. Let's see how this progresses...