Please don't say Squinty will be Spidey

According to the AP, Marc Webb, director of (500) Days of Summer, will be directing Sony's next Spiderman film (full article here: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/01/19/arts/AP-US-Film-Spider-Man.html?_r=1).

My only question is: Does this mean Sony is hoping they can lure Joseph Gordon-Levitt into playing Spidey by using Webb (ha ha ha ha - pun intended, m'lady!)? (500) Days of Summer was considered a (modest) hit by Hollywood and has even garnered nominations from the Golden Globes, The Writers Guild of America and the Independent Spirit Awards. It also made numerous top 10 lists (despite the fact that it was lame! c'mon, people! are we THAT desperate for a good romance!?)... so, it would make sense that Sony would want to reunite an already successful team for a re-boot of a big franchise that appears to be a little shaky after numerous re-writes and delays.

I could actually handle Zooey Deschanel as Mary Jane - she has a cuteness and sharpness that could be fun, but Gordon-Levitt as Spidey? Wasn't it bad enough that we had to suffer through three of these films with Tobey Maguire? I know Peter Parker is supposed to start out as a nerd, but at some point he should be convincing as a bad ass, right? (Then again, I didn't watch the the subsequent sequels, so I might be a poor judge. But, the first was so terrible! Why would you put yourself through more of that torture? It was so bad that when the 3rd film was playing on an airplane - fo' free - I not only couldn't bring myself to watch it, but I actually chose to watch a two-year-old episode of Project Runway on my gimpy iPod! A free movie people! I watched Hotel for Dogs fo' free! I watched High School Musical fo' free! I watched Rumor Has It fo' free! I have low standards for free movies, and I could not watch Spider Man 3 fo' free!

Anyhow, back to the subject at hand: I liked Gordon-Levitt at first; he was really interesting in Mysterious Skin - a thought-provoking, albeit weird, film by Gregg Araki. Where are you Araki? (Nevermind... just IMDB'd him; he made a bizarre-looking movie called Smiley Face which stars Anna Faris and appears to be about getting high. Enough said. I digress.) Gordon-Levitt followed that with some seriously smart choices; Brick and Stop-Loss were both very unusual films and big risks that were far from boring (if not terribly successful or commercial). I almost started to forget that he used to be on 3rd Rock from the Sun and looked like this:

But, then he did (500) Days of Summer and took a slice out of the good-faith cake I had baked for him. He followed that with G.I. Joe and, to add insult to injury, completely massacred two of my favorite pieces of American pop culture - Singin' in the Rain and Saturday Night Live - with one song and dance (I'm including the link - I can't figure out how to embed Chinese videos - but, I plead, for your own sake, don't watch!):

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTQyOTI3Mzky.html

That. was. awful. I'm truly sorry, my friends, I just had to let you know what he did. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, you taunted me throughout the Golden Globes on Sunday. Each time you laughed and squinted (like the little Asian man I know you are) and shook that little greasy head in faux wonder, you disappointed me. Wipe that smug squinty smile off yo' face! I can't take it anymore! We cannot let him take and destroy another great American icon! Will we let him continue to taunt us with his haughty laughs and squints!? We cannot let Squinty win!

Stop taunting me, Squinty!